From neonatal medicine to the building of an evangelical fortress, an exploration of nervous system survival amidst childhood chaos, the loss of faith, and the ability of the mundane to heal.
Wow, Trevor. I read this to get an overview, but I’m definitely looking forward to making my way through the essays where you go more in depth. I can already see several similarities in our paths, along with some clear differences that shaped different outcomes.
I also remember filling out an ACE questionnaire with my therapist and her being shocked by the number. I don’t tend to write about that or think about it much anymore, but of course it shaped my early biological experience of life.
Similar to you, I went to church camp in my teens, got baptized, and wrapped myself up in Christian faith for a while because it made me feel safe. But after my parents divorced, I was raised Christian by one parent and Jewish by the other, and I think that difference kept me questioning everything. Eventually I rejected faith altogether and moved into materialism, shutting out all of the mystery.
I’m working on a piece now about my return to spirituality outside of the frameworks I was raised with, and outside of the materialism I escaped into. Something more embodied, less dogmatic, and more directly experienced.
I’m curious where you are now in your own spiritual journey.
I’m excited to see the piece you’re working on! I’m actually planning to publish an article on my own trajectory soon, though it will definitely feature a 'work in progress' caveat at the top.
To give you the high-level view, the dogmatic faith I originally constructed to protect my relationship with Jesus has died. There is no bringing it back, nor would I want to. However, I still meet weekly with a small group of guys to talk philosophy and spirituality. That group includes Michael Wesch, the anthropology professor from K-State I mentioned at the end of my essay. His friendship has helped me feel safe pursuing the divine without needing to wrap it up in a neat package, even though part of me still deeply craves that certainty.
Right now, I’d classify myself as a theist, probably closest to an existential Christian. Morally, my life doesn't look drastically different than it did before. I agree with most of scripture’s core moral imperatives, though I certainly curse more now and have completely discarded the culture-war mandates I used to feel burdened by.
At my core, I still believe the concept of Imago Dei is essential to a civilized society. Without it, it becomes dangerously easy to dehumanize people instead of seeing them as human beings with limitations and wounds. For me, that concept requires a baseline belief in a personal God, which is the very concept that got warped in my childhood psyche. Because of that architecture, I’m still not fully comfortable saying that I 100% believe it.
So, I’m starting fresh, intentionally refusing to force a premature resolution. My test for any religious text is entirely functional: does living out this 'truth' actually result in a better lived reality? When the Bible says to love your enemies, I can champion that because I know holding hatred only destroys me biologically and psychologically. But if it’s a purely metaphysical or doctrinal concept, like the Trinity, I hold back. I am reasoning out what is 'divine' wisdom by testing it strictly against the real world.
Wow, Trevor. I read this to get an overview, but I’m definitely looking forward to making my way through the essays where you go more in depth. I can already see several similarities in our paths, along with some clear differences that shaped different outcomes.
I also remember filling out an ACE questionnaire with my therapist and her being shocked by the number. I don’t tend to write about that or think about it much anymore, but of course it shaped my early biological experience of life.
Similar to you, I went to church camp in my teens, got baptized, and wrapped myself up in Christian faith for a while because it made me feel safe. But after my parents divorced, I was raised Christian by one parent and Jewish by the other, and I think that difference kept me questioning everything. Eventually I rejected faith altogether and moved into materialism, shutting out all of the mystery.
I’m working on a piece now about my return to spirituality outside of the frameworks I was raised with, and outside of the materialism I escaped into. Something more embodied, less dogmatic, and more directly experienced.
I’m curious where you are now in your own spiritual journey.
I’m excited to see the piece you’re working on! I’m actually planning to publish an article on my own trajectory soon, though it will definitely feature a 'work in progress' caveat at the top.
To give you the high-level view, the dogmatic faith I originally constructed to protect my relationship with Jesus has died. There is no bringing it back, nor would I want to. However, I still meet weekly with a small group of guys to talk philosophy and spirituality. That group includes Michael Wesch, the anthropology professor from K-State I mentioned at the end of my essay. His friendship has helped me feel safe pursuing the divine without needing to wrap it up in a neat package, even though part of me still deeply craves that certainty.
Right now, I’d classify myself as a theist, probably closest to an existential Christian. Morally, my life doesn't look drastically different than it did before. I agree with most of scripture’s core moral imperatives, though I certainly curse more now and have completely discarded the culture-war mandates I used to feel burdened by.
At my core, I still believe the concept of Imago Dei is essential to a civilized society. Without it, it becomes dangerously easy to dehumanize people instead of seeing them as human beings with limitations and wounds. For me, that concept requires a baseline belief in a personal God, which is the very concept that got warped in my childhood psyche. Because of that architecture, I’m still not fully comfortable saying that I 100% believe it.
So, I’m starting fresh, intentionally refusing to force a premature resolution. My test for any religious text is entirely functional: does living out this 'truth' actually result in a better lived reality? When the Bible says to love your enemies, I can champion that because I know holding hatred only destroys me biologically and psychologically. But if it’s a purely metaphysical or doctrinal concept, like the Trinity, I hold back. I am reasoning out what is 'divine' wisdom by testing it strictly against the real world.