How the Hell Does This Happen?

As we enter into June, I’m preparing my body for the dysregulation that inevitably happens due to the culture war on social media. It is a self-perpetuating loop of shame and frustration. We will see the predictable posting of memes from both sides of the political and religious aisles lobbing attacks at one another, completely unable to sit honestly with the complexity of the battle or empathetically embody the hurt of the other side.

And I get it. When a prominent pastor with millions of followers posts the above image on his social media with the caption, “How God celebrates Pride Month,” it is a masterclass in psychological manipulation. It is born out of a pathological need to assert superiority over people who do not believe like you do, mixed with the corrupting biological need for validation that comes through fame and money. And what they are doing has real painful consequences and it needs to be called out.

I feel enraged and triggered on so many layers of my subconscious that I get the immediate desire to post back on his Facebook wall, “You are a bigot!”

But what is happening under the surface that allows someone to create a post designed to stimulate such an incredibly visceral response? Can an emotionally healthy person do this?

If not, can we acknowledge the correct response of outrage inside our own bodies and let that breathe? Can we then try to embody what is occurring in the minds of the people who generate this content, and think of ways to challenge them that reverse the script of shame and fear they are trying to run? I know this is asking a lot from the people this post is attacking, and from those who seek to defend the ones being hurt.

As someone who once liked preachers like Mark Driscoll, I have to acknowledge the damage that I did to people. While I didn’t post hateful images like this on Facebook, I absolutely would have been someone who might have laughed at it or shown it to a friend. I would have felt like the sentiment was true, even if it was being executed distastefully.

As a former literalist, conservative Christian, my worldview hinged on believing that I had the perfect interpretation of the Bible. My understanding of it protected my fragile psyche, which lacked stable parents and a loving home. The declarations of absolute truth provided a sense of safety that I protected ferociously. It comforted the deep-seated fear of our own mortality, the need to feel assured about what happens to us after we die, and the desire to believe that our lives have meaning. If my theological system wasn’t completely true, I could no longer believe the world was safe. I was a scared child who knew too well that the world is a dangerous place. Being vulnerable put me at risk, and I couldn’t take that gamble.

So while I completely agree that we should and need to call out the ugliness of posts like this and allow ourselves to feel the pain of what they are communicating, we also have to go deeper if we want this type of thinking to stop. If we can, we need to usurp these self-perpetuating loops. We can try and speak to the emotionally unhealthy person underneath these dogmatic intellectual shelters and refuse to demonize them (I realize the irony of that statement), choosing instead to see them as they are: hurting individuals trapped in a vicious worldview that demands perfect adherence to keep the emotional safety it provides alive.